THOUGHT CONTROL & EMOTIONAL HEALTH
If life is a game, it's won or lost in the mind. While we live our lives with our minds, we judge them with our hearts. The head and the heart, thoughts and emotions, are part of a complimentary system. The person functions far better when both are developed and used, than when one is overly developed and relied upon to the neglect of the other. Thoughts and emotions are built into every human being. They will benefit you regardless of your values, desires or circumstances. Learn about them here.
How am I? Is the status quo perfect or is there some room for development?
"How am I?" is one of those questions that's kind of like a hot potato. We try to get rid of it asap, "Good, and you?", because handling it can be intense.
What if the real answer is something less than satisfying? I hope not. But what if it is and you can't, or won't, face up to it? It's unlikely to improve.
The point is this: you have to know how you're doing so you can identify and focus on the areas of your life where there is room for improvement.
Unless you can honestly say, "I'm great!" -- not about any given moment but about the trend, the ordinary state you're usually in -- then, like most of us, you have some room for improvement in your life. The next step? Take your first step on The PATH².
What if the real answer is something less than satisfying? I hope not. But what if it is and you can't, or won't, face up to it? It's unlikely to improve.
The point is this: you have to know how you're doing so you can identify and focus on the areas of your life where there is room for improvement.
Unless you can honestly say, "I'm great!" -- not about any given moment but about the trend, the ordinary state you're usually in -- then, like most of us, you have some room for improvement in your life. The next step? Take your first step on The PATH².
Connect with your mind-body connection
The mind and body share a strong connection, like Siamese twins.
Each can't exist independent of the other. The mind takes form through the body by way of the brain and the central nervous system. The body needs the mind to animate it and to experience it.
All of our experiences in life involve some influence from both.
The good news is that we can use our understanding of the mind-body connection to achieve greater health, performance and overall quality of life.
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Mind-body medicine focuses on the interactions among the brain, mind, body and behavior, as well as the powerful ways in which emotional, mental, social, spiritual and behavioral factors can affect health.[1]
Our knowledge of the mind-body connection suggests that physical sickness and health have corresponding states of mind. We know that thoughts alone can make the body sick, as in the case of psychosomatic illness. We also know that through the Placebo Effect thoughts can heal the body.
To the extent that we can control the nature of our thoughts about our health, we should try to keep them focused on thriving, consider health and vitality as part of our bodies' usual, enduring condition and view sickness as a temporary abnormality that will soon subside.
The mind's capacity to influence the body's health and healing is vast. It should not be underestimated. Rather, we'd be well served to use it as a viable remedy that compliments drugs and surgery.
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Success comes from doing the right things at the right times. We can prepare ourselves to make the most of our opportunities by repeatedly rehearsing perfect performances in our minds.
We know that thoughts create the same mental instructions as actions.[2] So, we can use them to train our brains for actual performance. Top competitors and performers of all kinds have used visualization techniques to simulate perfect performances and have achieved corresponding results.
Use your creative imagination in preparation for your perfect performance. Compose a mental movie depicting yourself in top form. Charge your story with strong emotions and vivid details and replay it often. Later, try not to act surprised when you have déjà vu because what you think may well foreshadow what you do.
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Chronic psychological stress is the undoing of wellbeing.
Modern stressors abuse the fight-or-flight response we developed to protect ourselves from true threats to life and limb. Our minds interpret such stressors, like mail from collection agencies, in the same way that our ancestor's minds viewed a hungry bear arriving in their camp. To make matters worse, there is a lot more collection agency mail around today than there were hungry bears back then.
Our perception of being under continual duress triggers the fight-or-flight response far more frequently than it was intended. Consequently, our bodies malfunction and/or break down. Stress is a major risk factor in numerous illnesses from impotence to heart disease.
We may not be able to avoid some of the causes of stress. We can, however, respond to them better. This begins with our attitudes. If we can find a silver lining in a cloud of stress or laugh when it rains on our parade we will circumvent the stress response. Failing that, we can use deep belly inhalations combined with elongated exhalations to activate our nervous system's stress countermeasure, the relaxation response. And as our safety net, cultivating habits of regular nutrition, exercise and rest will fortify our physical defense mechanisms.
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The mind-body connection is ever present. It's effect on health, performance and wellbeing grab much of the attention given to it. But the truth is that no matter what the context a snapshot of any given moment will have the fingerprints of both the mind and the body all over it. Think about it. From the mundane, such as a bad hair day, to the profound, such as walking across the Grand Canyon on a tightrope, the mind-body connection is always active. Fortunately, it's a powerful tool that is always available for us to use to make our lives better.
Be more than a bundle of habits. Over 95% of each thought we think, word we speak, and action we perform comes from the habit function of the subconscious mind.
Much of our day-to-day follows a routine.
We do the same things, in the same ways, in the same places, and with the same people. We know our routines so well that we can carry them out without thinking too hard, if at all.
We are creatures of habit.
Habits are automatic reactions to repeating situations. They are formed by our responses to stimulus that repeats with great frequency or intensity. Combine frequency and intensity and you have brainwashing: the fastest way to form the deepest habits. Whatever stimulus enters the mind with the greatest combination of frequency and intensity forms a habit out of our initial responses, whether it's for better or for worse.
The habit function of the subconscious mind is an efficiency mechanism that frees up limited working memory (i.e. conscious awareness) allowing us to learn complex mental and physical tasks. Our subconscious recognizes familiar situations, recalls our most common responses to them and initiates the response as an automatic reaction . . . all without expending much conscious mental effort. We can drive in traffic and type text messages at the same time without crashing because we’ve done both a million times. If we were doing either for the first time we probably would be in trouble.
However, the habit function is a double-edged sword. Although useful, it can also have an unfavorable impact on our lives because unfortunately it has no ability to judge a good habit from a bad one. This is where you – as in your conscious awareness – enter the picture.
A bad habit usually forms one of two ways; we either put ourselves in bad environments that offer little personal benefit, so that any response is still probably not a very good response, or we choose poor responses to benign situations and then don’t bother to learn the error of our ways.
If the eminent psychologist William James was correct and ninety-nine hundredths, or possibly nine hundred and ninety-nine thousandths of our activity is purely automatic and habitual- from our rising in the morning to our lying down each night – then it’d be worth our while to make sure we form good ones.
So put yourself in healthy environments, expose yourself to stimuli that encourage your happiness, and try hard to choose the most positive responses to the situations you find yourself and you're guaranteeing that the habits you form will be positive ones. As go our habits, so go our lives.
Charles Duhigg’s book The Power of Habit is a science-laden, yet readable discussion of the dominance of habit in our lives and a nice contemporary compliment to William James’ work. I recommend it if you’re interested in learning more about why your life is the way it is and how you can make it even better.
We do the same things, in the same ways, in the same places, and with the same people. We know our routines so well that we can carry them out without thinking too hard, if at all.
We are creatures of habit.
Habits are automatic reactions to repeating situations. They are formed by our responses to stimulus that repeats with great frequency or intensity. Combine frequency and intensity and you have brainwashing: the fastest way to form the deepest habits. Whatever stimulus enters the mind with the greatest combination of frequency and intensity forms a habit out of our initial responses, whether it's for better or for worse.
The habit function of the subconscious mind is an efficiency mechanism that frees up limited working memory (i.e. conscious awareness) allowing us to learn complex mental and physical tasks. Our subconscious recognizes familiar situations, recalls our most common responses to them and initiates the response as an automatic reaction . . . all without expending much conscious mental effort. We can drive in traffic and type text messages at the same time without crashing because we’ve done both a million times. If we were doing either for the first time we probably would be in trouble.
However, the habit function is a double-edged sword. Although useful, it can also have an unfavorable impact on our lives because unfortunately it has no ability to judge a good habit from a bad one. This is where you – as in your conscious awareness – enter the picture.
A bad habit usually forms one of two ways; we either put ourselves in bad environments that offer little personal benefit, so that any response is still probably not a very good response, or we choose poor responses to benign situations and then don’t bother to learn the error of our ways.
If the eminent psychologist William James was correct and ninety-nine hundredths, or possibly nine hundred and ninety-nine thousandths of our activity is purely automatic and habitual- from our rising in the morning to our lying down each night – then it’d be worth our while to make sure we form good ones.
So put yourself in healthy environments, expose yourself to stimuli that encourage your happiness, and try hard to choose the most positive responses to the situations you find yourself and you're guaranteeing that the habits you form will be positive ones. As go our habits, so go our lives.
Charles Duhigg’s book The Power of Habit is a science-laden, yet readable discussion of the dominance of habit in our lives and a nice contemporary compliment to William James’ work. I recommend it if you’re interested in learning more about why your life is the way it is and how you can make it even better.
Awareness is your greatest tool: developing it should be your #1 priority
When Socrates said, “Know thyself”, he was giving us some pretty important advice: to develop our awareness.
If life is a river then awareness resides up near the headwaters. It flows downstream touching everything in its path until it becomes apparent that its influence is everywhere. Well, the benefits seem pretty clear: in developing better awareness we increase the possibility of influencing our lives in positive ways.
Awareness is limited only by perception. There’s not much we can do to develop our perception. At best we can only slow the deterioration of our sensory perception organs.
However, awareness can be cultivated through practice. It’s easiest to begin strengthening physical awareness, by focusing physical effort in the body through an activity like choreographed dance, rock climbing, yoga etc. The list is endless, because there's no one exercise better than the other; the aim is just to find a physical activity and then stick with it.
Once physical awareness has been attained, its benefit can then be applied to the mind where the effects of increased awareness are truly revealed.
It’s impossible to consciously respond to or influence what we aren't even aware of. Before we are able to enact change in our lives we must first be able to identify what's in front of us and whether or not it is really what we want. Awareness is the tool with which we will create the lives and environments of our dreams.
If life is a river then awareness resides up near the headwaters. It flows downstream touching everything in its path until it becomes apparent that its influence is everywhere. Well, the benefits seem pretty clear: in developing better awareness we increase the possibility of influencing our lives in positive ways.
Awareness is limited only by perception. There’s not much we can do to develop our perception. At best we can only slow the deterioration of our sensory perception organs.
However, awareness can be cultivated through practice. It’s easiest to begin strengthening physical awareness, by focusing physical effort in the body through an activity like choreographed dance, rock climbing, yoga etc. The list is endless, because there's no one exercise better than the other; the aim is just to find a physical activity and then stick with it.
Once physical awareness has been attained, its benefit can then be applied to the mind where the effects of increased awareness are truly revealed.
It’s impossible to consciously respond to or influence what we aren't even aware of. Before we are able to enact change in our lives we must first be able to identify what's in front of us and whether or not it is really what we want. Awareness is the tool with which we will create the lives and environments of our dreams.
There’s no good or bad, it’s our thinking that makes it so: tell yourself nice lies
Shakespeare probably gets the most credit for these words, but many of us have experienced how true they really are.
Before we assign value to something by calling it “good” or “bad” all that exists is the "truth". Fundamentally, the truth is an impartial perception or idea; it’s not good or bad until we make it so.
When we put “good” and “bad” labels on the truth we create lies in the sense that we’ve altered the truth. As it would seem that we are always in the business of altering the truth, we can do ourselves a service by at least changing it in a way that’s self-supporting: by telling ourselves nice lies.
When Thomas Edison failed to invent the light bulb after hundreds of attempts he said that he didn’t necessarily see all those efforts as failures, but as ways of learning how not to make a light bulb. And it’s the same story for a lot of people who’ve succeeded in life despite adversity.
Looking at it from the other side of the coin, we can learn to stop changing the truth in ways that undermine our self-image or whatever endeavor we’re pursuing. For instance, sometimes when we perform an action that doesn’t go as well as we anticipated we assign it a "bad" value and call ourselves “no good” or “stupid” or “screw ups.” We've all been there. But a person’s behavior is not equal to the person. We all make mistakes and fail, but the truth is that none of us are mistakes or failures. When we change the truth by calling ourselves such untrue, negative things we’re changing the truth for our worse.
So if you’re in the habit of changing the truth for your worse then change it again, but this time in a way that supports you in whatever way you need. It’s good for your self-image and efforts to succeed if you learn to frame adversity in supportive ways. Or better still, learn to let things be as they are, make peace with the truth, and continue on your way.
"Good" and "bad" are just concepts, tools of the mind. And the mind accesses only part of reality. Later on I’ll show you what it means to get beyond your mind and experience life from that third, most subtle aspect of who you are.
Before we assign value to something by calling it “good” or “bad” all that exists is the "truth". Fundamentally, the truth is an impartial perception or idea; it’s not good or bad until we make it so.
When we put “good” and “bad” labels on the truth we create lies in the sense that we’ve altered the truth. As it would seem that we are always in the business of altering the truth, we can do ourselves a service by at least changing it in a way that’s self-supporting: by telling ourselves nice lies.
When Thomas Edison failed to invent the light bulb after hundreds of attempts he said that he didn’t necessarily see all those efforts as failures, but as ways of learning how not to make a light bulb. And it’s the same story for a lot of people who’ve succeeded in life despite adversity.
Looking at it from the other side of the coin, we can learn to stop changing the truth in ways that undermine our self-image or whatever endeavor we’re pursuing. For instance, sometimes when we perform an action that doesn’t go as well as we anticipated we assign it a "bad" value and call ourselves “no good” or “stupid” or “screw ups.” We've all been there. But a person’s behavior is not equal to the person. We all make mistakes and fail, but the truth is that none of us are mistakes or failures. When we change the truth by calling ourselves such untrue, negative things we’re changing the truth for our worse.
So if you’re in the habit of changing the truth for your worse then change it again, but this time in a way that supports you in whatever way you need. It’s good for your self-image and efforts to succeed if you learn to frame adversity in supportive ways. Or better still, learn to let things be as they are, make peace with the truth, and continue on your way.
"Good" and "bad" are just concepts, tools of the mind. And the mind accesses only part of reality. Later on I’ll show you what it means to get beyond your mind and experience life from that third, most subtle aspect of who you are.
Gratitude is a magnet for future blessings
No matter how good or bad life seems to be going, someone in the world has it better than us and someone has it worse.
Gratitude is simply a choice to focus on the positive aspects of our lives and be thankful.
What we focus on tends to expand. So every time we express gratitude for a blessing, however small it may be, we attract another and experience greater happiness.
Although we know intuitively that expressing gratitude makes us feel good, there is actually a great deal of research and scholarly writing about the positive correlation between gratitude and well-being. Check it out here, if you're interested.
In addition to attracting more blessings to ourselves, gratitude makes us more inclined to help others.
One of many beautiful examples of the pay-it-forward attitude is The Giving Pledge started by Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. We may not normally associate billionaires with generosity, but this group of more than 100 has promised to give the majority of their fortunes to charity.
Even if we don’t have Bill’s billions, we all have something to be grateful for and something to share with others.
Pause right now and consider this: do you ever have to worry about not having enough food or clothing? Do you ever lack shelter to keep you dry and warm? Are you not safe from danger, unless you go out of you way to pursue it? Are you not free to go where you want and do almost anything you can imagine?
All you have to do is read the news or go for a drive to see people who don’t have some or many of these “ordinary” blessings. In reality, there are legions of less fortunate people and you are probably a walking winning lottery ticket. Compared to what your life could be and what many people’s lives are, you’ve already hit the jackpot.
When we recognize that we have so much, even if it’s just the bare necessities and civil rights, it’s hard not to want to share something with those who aren’t as fortunate.
Simply put, gratitude benefits everyone, especially you.
Gratitude is so important to the pursuit of attaining total health and happiness that it forms the foundation of The PATH²’s mission statement; "If you have something wonderful in your life, you have an obligation to share it with others."
Gratitude is simply a choice to focus on the positive aspects of our lives and be thankful.
What we focus on tends to expand. So every time we express gratitude for a blessing, however small it may be, we attract another and experience greater happiness.
Although we know intuitively that expressing gratitude makes us feel good, there is actually a great deal of research and scholarly writing about the positive correlation between gratitude and well-being. Check it out here, if you're interested.
In addition to attracting more blessings to ourselves, gratitude makes us more inclined to help others.
One of many beautiful examples of the pay-it-forward attitude is The Giving Pledge started by Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. We may not normally associate billionaires with generosity, but this group of more than 100 has promised to give the majority of their fortunes to charity.
Even if we don’t have Bill’s billions, we all have something to be grateful for and something to share with others.
Pause right now and consider this: do you ever have to worry about not having enough food or clothing? Do you ever lack shelter to keep you dry and warm? Are you not safe from danger, unless you go out of you way to pursue it? Are you not free to go where you want and do almost anything you can imagine?
All you have to do is read the news or go for a drive to see people who don’t have some or many of these “ordinary” blessings. In reality, there are legions of less fortunate people and you are probably a walking winning lottery ticket. Compared to what your life could be and what many people’s lives are, you’ve already hit the jackpot.
When we recognize that we have so much, even if it’s just the bare necessities and civil rights, it’s hard not to want to share something with those who aren’t as fortunate.
Simply put, gratitude benefits everyone, especially you.
Gratitude is so important to the pursuit of attaining total health and happiness that it forms the foundation of The PATH²’s mission statement; "If you have something wonderful in your life, you have an obligation to share it with others."
One Love
We were made to love. To want and need to give and receive it.
Love is an infinitely renewable resource. Giving love produces love. Receiving love produces love.
Love, as opposed to lust, is also a feeling of connection. It's gratitude for the existence of someone or something. And it's the source of a selfless wish that all will be well.
Only when we lose the love of ourselves can we begin to hate each other. Love is lost to ignorance of our inherent perfection and unity in life.
Try hard to nurture love whenever it can be found like an ember you can delicately coax into a flame that will grow into a warming glow for everyone to gather around.
Strive to periodically return to the peaceful stillness underneath your thoughts and actions where love waits to refresh your spirit.
Be curious about yourself, the world and the people you share it with and you'll invariably discover something that pulls on your heart strings.
Try to lose your sense of individual self by doing something altruistic, however big or small, and you'll find the great connection among us all.
However it speaks to you, act upon "A five-word sentence that could change the world tomorrow [which] is 'What would love do now?'" – Neale Donald Walsch
Read the classic, The Art of Loving, by Psychologist Erich Fromme for an insightful description of the history and variety of the greatest human emotion and how to cultivate it to enrich your life and the world.
Love is an infinitely renewable resource. Giving love produces love. Receiving love produces love.
Love, as opposed to lust, is also a feeling of connection. It's gratitude for the existence of someone or something. And it's the source of a selfless wish that all will be well.
Only when we lose the love of ourselves can we begin to hate each other. Love is lost to ignorance of our inherent perfection and unity in life.
Try hard to nurture love whenever it can be found like an ember you can delicately coax into a flame that will grow into a warming glow for everyone to gather around.
Strive to periodically return to the peaceful stillness underneath your thoughts and actions where love waits to refresh your spirit.
Be curious about yourself, the world and the people you share it with and you'll invariably discover something that pulls on your heart strings.
Try to lose your sense of individual self by doing something altruistic, however big or small, and you'll find the great connection among us all.
However it speaks to you, act upon "A five-word sentence that could change the world tomorrow [which] is 'What would love do now?'" – Neale Donald Walsch
Read the classic, The Art of Loving, by Psychologist Erich Fromme for an insightful description of the history and variety of the greatest human emotion and how to cultivate it to enrich your life and the world.
Philosophy: All things always happen for the best, especially when it’s impossible to see how that could possibly be true in the moment, but hindsight will make it all clear
Reality is subjective. Perception is the lens through which we experience it and attitude is the tint in the lens. Some of the dark things that happen to us appear that way only because we’ve put a dark tint on the lens. We can make things brighter in just the same way we make things dark – by adjusting our attitudes. Here’s one of a multitude of practical applications.
Disappointments happen. But sometimes they lead to equivalent or greater opportunities. We’ve all seen this play out before. Because there’s no way to know it won’t happen the same way this time, why not embrace the possibility with a hopeful attitude?
Instead of letting disappointment about something gone wrong get you down consider it as the one necessary step backwards in order to take two or three steps forwards. Don’t let your mind rush to a negative judgment. Instead, allow some time to let the chain of cause and effect play out. In the meanwhile, if negative judgments keep popping into your mind, play devil’s advocate with them (which is more like “angel’s advocate” in this context) by observing that crisis breed opportunity.
Be mindful of the possibility that things going against you are happening just to turn you around so you're heading in the right direction, again.
Disappointments happen. But sometimes they lead to equivalent or greater opportunities. We’ve all seen this play out before. Because there’s no way to know it won’t happen the same way this time, why not embrace the possibility with a hopeful attitude?
Instead of letting disappointment about something gone wrong get you down consider it as the one necessary step backwards in order to take two or three steps forwards. Don’t let your mind rush to a negative judgment. Instead, allow some time to let the chain of cause and effect play out. In the meanwhile, if negative judgments keep popping into your mind, play devil’s advocate with them (which is more like “angel’s advocate” in this context) by observing that crisis breed opportunity.
Be mindful of the possibility that things going against you are happening just to turn you around so you're heading in the right direction, again.
Stop shooting yourself in the foot: everyone is seeking joy and avoiding sorrow
If you make a list of all the things you don't love about your life you will see that you created them.
You will see that you were either the direct cause or at least a contributing cause of pretty much everything on your list. That was the inescapable conclusion I had to reach if I had any commitment to being honest with myself when I did this. I think you'll find the truth in it, as well.
If you could just stop creating problems for yourself your life would transform into a winning lottery ticket. That's because it's our nature to feel scintillating (I'll elaborate later).
Nature, God, or whatever word you want to use for events beyond our control account for almost none of the things we don't like about our lives. Just look at your list and you'll see.
The beautiful things about this realization is that it's empowering. We have almost total control over the lives we've created for ourselves and we can intelligently use that control (I'll show you how) to create the idea life we dream about . . . and even a life beyond our dreams.
P.S. This all applies equally well to the things we (humanity) don't like about the world, too, because the world is just a larger scale version of an individual.
You will see that you were either the direct cause or at least a contributing cause of pretty much everything on your list. That was the inescapable conclusion I had to reach if I had any commitment to being honest with myself when I did this. I think you'll find the truth in it, as well.
If you could just stop creating problems for yourself your life would transform into a winning lottery ticket. That's because it's our nature to feel scintillating (I'll elaborate later).
Nature, God, or whatever word you want to use for events beyond our control account for almost none of the things we don't like about our lives. Just look at your list and you'll see.
The beautiful things about this realization is that it's empowering. We have almost total control over the lives we've created for ourselves and we can intelligently use that control (I'll show you how) to create the idea life we dream about . . . and even a life beyond our dreams.
P.S. This all applies equally well to the things we (humanity) don't like about the world, too, because the world is just a larger scale version of an individual.
Align what matters most with what you do the most
We've all heard it said; do what you love and you'll never work another day in your life. But for some of us, that's just not an option. There is a way to get closer to that ideal though, and it's by simply reflecting on our values. When what matters most to us aligns with what we spend our time on, the result is deep-seated satisfaction. Conversely, when that equation isn't balanced, the result is not just stress, but distress.
Everyone has values- the things that matter most- whether they’re aware of them or not. To create a satisfying life we first have to know what our values are so that we can make choices that are aligned with them. This goes for the big choices made in a whole lifetime and also for the countless small ones that are made on a day-to-day basis.
How we typically feel in the first and last moments of the day are indicators of how well we’re living and how happy we are. By paying attention to those quiet times and the insights they reveal we can have a greater understanding of what we value the most, and then implement those values to create our ideal lives.
Everyone has values- the things that matter most- whether they’re aware of them or not. To create a satisfying life we first have to know what our values are so that we can make choices that are aligned with them. This goes for the big choices made in a whole lifetime and also for the countless small ones that are made on a day-to-day basis.
How we typically feel in the first and last moments of the day are indicators of how well we’re living and how happy we are. By paying attention to those quiet times and the insights they reveal we can have a greater understanding of what we value the most, and then implement those values to create our ideal lives.
Values: the key to contentment
Values are what matter most in life.
They are the notches on the yardstick we use to measure the success of our own lives.
When our lives reflect our values, we experience contentment. When our lives and our values are in conflict we experience stress, or even distress if they’re far out of alignment.
We don’t think about our values in day-to-day life. They can seem abstract, whereas ordinary life is usually practical. But that doesn’t mean that we should lose sight of them.
Have you ever gone through the process of identifying your individual values in order of importance?
Awareness always precedes effective action. In order to create greater harmony between your life and your values, you first have to be aware of your values.
If you are already keenly aware of what matters most to you, have you successfully incorporated those values into your daily life?
In the quest for greater contentment the aim of action is to fill your time with valuable experiences. Because a life that embodies your values generates massive contentment.
To achieve that you must first be aware of how your time is used now. Then you can compare that to your most authentic life, the ideal life that enables full expression of your values. Knowledge of how your reality and your ideal differ enables you to consider practical ways to close the gap. Finally, you can act on your insights with a plan to begin making the necessary changes to increase your quality of life.
I have created a Values Hierarchy Exercise (VHE) out of my research and experience to serve as a guide for this whole process. I’ve used it several times and it’s invaluable for illuminating those deeper aspects of quality of life. I recently revised it into the Values Hierarchy Exercise – Expanded Edition to make it an easy to use tool for you to use, too.
They are the notches on the yardstick we use to measure the success of our own lives.
When our lives reflect our values, we experience contentment. When our lives and our values are in conflict we experience stress, or even distress if they’re far out of alignment.
We don’t think about our values in day-to-day life. They can seem abstract, whereas ordinary life is usually practical. But that doesn’t mean that we should lose sight of them.
Have you ever gone through the process of identifying your individual values in order of importance?
Awareness always precedes effective action. In order to create greater harmony between your life and your values, you first have to be aware of your values.
If you are already keenly aware of what matters most to you, have you successfully incorporated those values into your daily life?
In the quest for greater contentment the aim of action is to fill your time with valuable experiences. Because a life that embodies your values generates massive contentment.
To achieve that you must first be aware of how your time is used now. Then you can compare that to your most authentic life, the ideal life that enables full expression of your values. Knowledge of how your reality and your ideal differ enables you to consider practical ways to close the gap. Finally, you can act on your insights with a plan to begin making the necessary changes to increase your quality of life.
I have created a Values Hierarchy Exercise (VHE) out of my research and experience to serve as a guide for this whole process. I’ve used it several times and it’s invaluable for illuminating those deeper aspects of quality of life. I recently revised it into the Values Hierarchy Exercise – Expanded Edition to make it an easy to use tool for you to use, too.
Simplify the equation of life: add quality by subtracting the negative and pointless
We only have so much time; so why spend any of it on things that don’t provide much value in return? We squeeze more and more into our allotted time until we’re maxed out and eventually some important things get neglected. So more doesn’t necessarily equal better for us.
Consider Pareto’s Law or the 80/20 Rule: most of what makes your life wonderful comes from only a few uses of your time. What are those things? Your health, your peace of mind, your relationships, your accomplishments, your occupation? Identify the 20% of the things you spend time on that produce 80% of your life’s value, then start saying “No” to everything else more often.
As you become increasingly aware of how you spend your time you can also identify how well you spend it. Take advantage of the old saying "You don't know what you've got until it's gone" and start subtracting things from your life. If you don’t miss it once it’s gone then it wasn’t worth your time. Subtract and subtract and eventually you’ll have simplified the use of your time to only those things that add a lot of goodness to your life.
Consider Pareto’s Law or the 80/20 Rule: most of what makes your life wonderful comes from only a few uses of your time. What are those things? Your health, your peace of mind, your relationships, your accomplishments, your occupation? Identify the 20% of the things you spend time on that produce 80% of your life’s value, then start saying “No” to everything else more often.
As you become increasingly aware of how you spend your time you can also identify how well you spend it. Take advantage of the old saying "You don't know what you've got until it's gone" and start subtracting things from your life. If you don’t miss it once it’s gone then it wasn’t worth your time. Subtract and subtract and eventually you’ll have simplified the use of your time to only those things that add a lot of goodness to your life.
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When you complete this exercise, allow your mind to be free of limitations and acknowledge the importance of your feelings. The VHE is an exercise of becoming reacquainted with your deepest self. Don’t hold back. Be honest. Be thorough. Be excited about your future.
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Respond, don’t react: a conscious response provides an advantage over an automatic reaction
Reactions are automatic behaviors that come from the habit function of the subconscious mind. They are triggered by a subconscious recognition of present circumstances resembling past experiences. Reactions are useful because they are nearly instantaneous and they free up working memory allowing us to perform complex mental processes and actions. The drawback is that they are slow to adapt to the unique aspects of the present situation and as a result they can become obsolete.
In contrast, responses are deliberate. They come from the conscious mind as a result of thoughtful consideration of the present circumstances. Responses have an advantage over reactions because they are unconstrained by past experiences. They provide us with the freedom to consider how the present is different from the past. The awareness of unique aspects of the present moment yields the opportunity to step out of past patterns of behavior and replace them with better ways of being here and now.
Reflect on challenging situations that you face on a regular basis, like traffic or an irritating coworker, and try to come up with a new response that makes them less bothersome. If you can’t come up with a way to turn an apparently negative situation into a positive one, try substituting indifference; for example, how you would react to a tree you pass on your way down the road. Then practice anticipating these situations and implementing your new, improved responses.
The process of reevaluating your reactions and improving them through substitution with conscious responses has applications throughout life because almost everything you think, say, and do is a reaction controlled by the habit function of your subconscious mind. By reclaiming your present from the limitations of your past you can literally remake your life for the better.
In contrast, responses are deliberate. They come from the conscious mind as a result of thoughtful consideration of the present circumstances. Responses have an advantage over reactions because they are unconstrained by past experiences. They provide us with the freedom to consider how the present is different from the past. The awareness of unique aspects of the present moment yields the opportunity to step out of past patterns of behavior and replace them with better ways of being here and now.
Reflect on challenging situations that you face on a regular basis, like traffic or an irritating coworker, and try to come up with a new response that makes them less bothersome. If you can’t come up with a way to turn an apparently negative situation into a positive one, try substituting indifference; for example, how you would react to a tree you pass on your way down the road. Then practice anticipating these situations and implementing your new, improved responses.
The process of reevaluating your reactions and improving them through substitution with conscious responses has applications throughout life because almost everything you think, say, and do is a reaction controlled by the habit function of your subconscious mind. By reclaiming your present from the limitations of your past you can literally remake your life for the better.
Life is largely the result of the decisions we’ve made: most decisions appear trivial
While there are only a handful of really BIG decisions for each of us to make in life, the countless tiny decisions we make on a day-t0-day basis are just as significant. Tiny decisions are like snowflakes, really good ones can float you along like a skier gliding through powder and bad ones can bury you in an avalanche that you triggered.
The life situation you find yourself in right now is largely the result of all the decisions you’ve made in the past.
It’s true that we have little control over many of the events that occur in our lives, and the temptation to say that our lives have been dealt to us is always present. But we can’t give into that temptation because it’s helpless, passive and self-defeating.
Powerful, resourceful people focus instead on what they are able to control. You can control your actions, your speech, and even your thoughts to a surprisingly great extent. The way you do that is by exercising choice.
This has enormous implications, which can’t all be discussed in a short blog post. So for now I’ll just address one, extremely practical example.
The most frequently occurring decision you are offered by life is how to respond to the circumstances that you are in at any given moment … like NOW, for instance.
It’s easy to entirely forget that this choice even exists. When that happens, your choice is one of omission; in other words, you react according to a pattern of past behavior, or habit. The disadvantage of this is that a past reaction, even one that served you well many times before, may be inappropriate for you now.
In contrast, by noticing and consciously exercising your ability to choose a response unconstrained by the past you maximize the opportunity to make the moment serve your best interests.
As a side note, this is all part of the broader subject of cause and effect. Every moment is both an effect of the moment preceding it and a cause of the moment that follows. In this way, your reaction or response to the events occurring around you is effected by those events and at the same time a cause of the outcome of your interaction with those events. But I digress …
Recognize that your behavior – what you do, say, and think – is an ongoing opportunity to make good choices. Ask yourself whether you’re consistently making the kinds of choices that are in your best interests. You might be surprised to find that the answer is often "no." But once you've identified this you can begin reversing the pattern by simply paying attention and responding better. Then you’ll see that choice is a magic wand that you can wave to create the life you desire out of thin air.
The life situation you find yourself in right now is largely the result of all the decisions you’ve made in the past.
It’s true that we have little control over many of the events that occur in our lives, and the temptation to say that our lives have been dealt to us is always present. But we can’t give into that temptation because it’s helpless, passive and self-defeating.
Powerful, resourceful people focus instead on what they are able to control. You can control your actions, your speech, and even your thoughts to a surprisingly great extent. The way you do that is by exercising choice.
This has enormous implications, which can’t all be discussed in a short blog post. So for now I’ll just address one, extremely practical example.
The most frequently occurring decision you are offered by life is how to respond to the circumstances that you are in at any given moment … like NOW, for instance.
It’s easy to entirely forget that this choice even exists. When that happens, your choice is one of omission; in other words, you react according to a pattern of past behavior, or habit. The disadvantage of this is that a past reaction, even one that served you well many times before, may be inappropriate for you now.
In contrast, by noticing and consciously exercising your ability to choose a response unconstrained by the past you maximize the opportunity to make the moment serve your best interests.
As a side note, this is all part of the broader subject of cause and effect. Every moment is both an effect of the moment preceding it and a cause of the moment that follows. In this way, your reaction or response to the events occurring around you is effected by those events and at the same time a cause of the outcome of your interaction with those events. But I digress …
Recognize that your behavior – what you do, say, and think – is an ongoing opportunity to make good choices. Ask yourself whether you’re consistently making the kinds of choices that are in your best interests. You might be surprised to find that the answer is often "no." But once you've identified this you can begin reversing the pattern by simply paying attention and responding better. Then you’ll see that choice is a magic wand that you can wave to create the life you desire out of thin air.
Make big decisions with your heart and have your mind manifest them: the world may say you’re crazy, but it’s the only way to fulfillment
Fulfillment is a state we experience when our heart's desires are met. Aligning our minds with our hearts produces deep satisfaction because we’re devoting our lives to shaping the world in the image of what we cherish
The heart and the mind are complementary parts of a system that can create a life full of contentment. Like the story of a lame man and a blind man helping each other cross a busy road, the heart can see the way to fulfillment and the mind can take you there. The heart needs the mind to manifest its vision and the mind needs the heart to intelligently guide its efforts.
Search your heart for the answer to the following question: What matters most to you?
I’ve posted the Values Hierarchy Exercise on the Downloads page to help you answer this. You can also directly download it by clicking here.
Only you can answer this question, because your values are just that – yours. However, the company you keep and those who know you best can help you answer the next question you must ask yourself – what talents and skills do you have? Ability is largely objective and by asking the opinion of those you respect and those who know you well you, a picture of your individual talents and skills should begin to emerge. Your talents and skills reflect your capacity to manifest your heart's vision.
Next, reflect on how you routinely spend your time in light of the previous questions.
If there’s a disparity between the things you value most and the amount of time you devote to them, your heart and your mind aren’t working together as closely as they could be. If this is the case, the upside is that your quality of life can get better than it already is.
The heart and the mind are complementary parts of a system that can create a life full of contentment. Like the story of a lame man and a blind man helping each other cross a busy road, the heart can see the way to fulfillment and the mind can take you there. The heart needs the mind to manifest its vision and the mind needs the heart to intelligently guide its efforts.
Search your heart for the answer to the following question: What matters most to you?
I’ve posted the Values Hierarchy Exercise on the Downloads page to help you answer this. You can also directly download it by clicking here.
Only you can answer this question, because your values are just that – yours. However, the company you keep and those who know you best can help you answer the next question you must ask yourself – what talents and skills do you have? Ability is largely objective and by asking the opinion of those you respect and those who know you well you, a picture of your individual talents and skills should begin to emerge. Your talents and skills reflect your capacity to manifest your heart's vision.
Next, reflect on how you routinely spend your time in light of the previous questions.
If there’s a disparity between the things you value most and the amount of time you devote to them, your heart and your mind aren’t working together as closely as they could be. If this is the case, the upside is that your quality of life can get better than it already is.
Motivation is a Cost-Benefit Analysis
If change is the only constant, motivation is the force that influences change in a positive direction.
Motivation is necessary to do anything new, contrary to the status quo, or for a prolonged period of time.
By far the most powerful source of motivation is within us. Other people and surrounding circumstances can influence our thoughts and feelings, but ultimately the choice of when and how to act is ours alone.
This innate motivation arises when you identify more benefits (good thoughts and feelings about the future) than costs. Often, this cost-to-benefit analysis (CBA) is done partially or wholly in the subconscious mind. However, when you bring the process into the light of conscious awareness you will see that’s exactly how motivation works.
If you have identified a change you want to bring about, first figure out the costs and benefits before your ego writes a check your will power or ability can’t cash. If the costs of change outnumber or outweigh the benefits, or if the benefits only marginally exceed the costs, then you have to improve the situation to avoid a failed effort or a scantly rewarded success.
Get creative and develop a more compelling forecast by searching for additional costs or benefits or by finding new ways of valuing existing ones. When your CBA of a new endeavor generates some excitement within you, or better still passion, your chances of a successful outcome are promising. When the risk appears worth the reward, take it.
You may have to reassess your CBA if you begin to feel that your initial assessment has run its course. For instance, once the initial excitement and novelty of making the effort to get fit and healthy wears off you’ll have to find either new benefits or costs, such as realizing that nothing worth a lot can be obtained for a little or that poor health and fitness will become very expensive further down the line.
Motivation is necessary to do anything new, contrary to the status quo, or for a prolonged period of time.
By far the most powerful source of motivation is within us. Other people and surrounding circumstances can influence our thoughts and feelings, but ultimately the choice of when and how to act is ours alone.
This innate motivation arises when you identify more benefits (good thoughts and feelings about the future) than costs. Often, this cost-to-benefit analysis (CBA) is done partially or wholly in the subconscious mind. However, when you bring the process into the light of conscious awareness you will see that’s exactly how motivation works.
If you have identified a change you want to bring about, first figure out the costs and benefits before your ego writes a check your will power or ability can’t cash. If the costs of change outnumber or outweigh the benefits, or if the benefits only marginally exceed the costs, then you have to improve the situation to avoid a failed effort or a scantly rewarded success.
Get creative and develop a more compelling forecast by searching for additional costs or benefits or by finding new ways of valuing existing ones. When your CBA of a new endeavor generates some excitement within you, or better still passion, your chances of a successful outcome are promising. When the risk appears worth the reward, take it.
You may have to reassess your CBA if you begin to feel that your initial assessment has run its course. For instance, once the initial excitement and novelty of making the effort to get fit and healthy wears off you’ll have to find either new benefits or costs, such as realizing that nothing worth a lot can be obtained for a little or that poor health and fitness will become very expensive further down the line.
Find your genius: there are many kinds and everyone has it
Everyone is a genius.
Every single baby lying in the newborn ward at the hospital has the potential to be absolutely amazing.
There are many different types of genius: musical, social, mathematical, athletic, spiritual, etc.
Do you know what your genius is?
If not, why not try to find out what it is? How's that for a raison d'être?
Once you know what your genius is -- and you'll know when you find it not so much in your head, intellectually, but more so in your heart, intuitively -- why not focus on trying to develop it?
Is there a more purposeful existence than expressing your genius, the unique gift you have been given?
Every single baby lying in the newborn ward at the hospital has the potential to be absolutely amazing.
There are many different types of genius: musical, social, mathematical, athletic, spiritual, etc.
Do you know what your genius is?
If not, why not try to find out what it is? How's that for a raison d'être?
Once you know what your genius is -- and you'll know when you find it not so much in your head, intellectually, but more so in your heart, intuitively -- why not focus on trying to develop it?
Is there a more purposeful existence than expressing your genius, the unique gift you have been given?
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But we don't have to rely on others to feel that thrill. Everyone can get in the flow, not just ultra-elite performers. In fact, there are as many entry points to the flow as there are individuals.
Enter flow by following your passion. Search your past and identify an activity you have found so engaging that minutes passed like seconds or hours like minutes. It will have involved these four elements: 1. your skills, 2. values, 3. interests and 4. a challenge. Finding your entry to the flow is that simple. However, there aren't very many qualifying experiences. That scarcity contributes to its value, so appreciate it. Then commit 100% to experiencing it again. Eliminate distractions. Focus intensely. Look for that elusive, magical quality in the details of whatever it is you’re doing and you’ll find it. For more insights from science and experience read Flow: The Psychology of Optimum Experience. |
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Top 5 positive actions to increase your happiness
"The pursuit of happiness is a fundamental human goal." The United Nations
From The Happy Planet Index
Do you like to be happy? Would you like to live in a happier world? Then join the tribe that's ushering in that new reality. And . . .
Watch Nic Mark’s TED talk about the Happy Planet Index and why it's advancing the movement to replace Gross Domestic Product with Gross National Happiness as the standard by which our nations set development policy and judge progress.
Read the United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon's remarks about the urgent need to replace our singularly economic standard of development and progress with a humanitarian standard that acknowledges the basic human need and desire to love the lives we live.
Follow The PATH² to attaining total health and happiness.
From The Happy Planet Index
- Connect with loved ones. Spending time sharing in other people's lives and allowing them to share in yours satisfies our innate human need for positive social interaction.
- Be physically active, especially outdoors. Fresh air and vigorous movement rejuvenates the body and releases hormones that improve mood.
- Notice. Heightening your awareness of the present moment helps draws your attention to the numerous little blessings you're graced with that otherwise go overlooked.
- Keep learning. Do this all life long. There's strong evidence that curiosity, not even necessarily formal learning, helps maintain mental health, particularly as we age.
- Give. Altruism in all its forms - thoughts, words and actions - is pound-for-pound the greatest investment you can make in your happiness. Read my recent post about all the benefits here.
Do you like to be happy? Would you like to live in a happier world? Then join the tribe that's ushering in that new reality. And . . .
Watch Nic Mark’s TED talk about the Happy Planet Index and why it's advancing the movement to replace Gross Domestic Product with Gross National Happiness as the standard by which our nations set development policy and judge progress.
Read the United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon's remarks about the urgent need to replace our singularly economic standard of development and progress with a humanitarian standard that acknowledges the basic human need and desire to love the lives we live.
Follow The PATH² to attaining total health and happiness.
Nothing rewards greater than selfless service
We all know that it’s important to help others. But perhaps you aren’t aware of how good helping others can be for you.
First of all, the kind of behavior I’m referring to isn’t just any kind that happens to benefit someone else; it’s called altruism. Altruistic behavior is characterized by a person’s intent to perform an act designed to benefit someone or something other than him or her self. You can also call it selfless service, volunteerism, or karma yoga if you like.
Performing random (or planned) acts of kindness is good for or a variety of reasons, some of them perhaps surprising.
Broadly speaking, selfless service increases quality of life across the board. Sociologists found that volunteer work enhances six aspects of personal wellbeing: happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem, sense of control over life, physical health and depression.
Here’s a review of 20 years of scientific research showing that altruistic behavior produces health benefits (click).
Basically, our brains are designed and built to enjoy helping others. Neuroscientists found an old (by evolutionary standards) pleasure center in the brain that makes us feel physically good to do something unexpected and kind for someone else. In fact, it's the same part of the brain activated by food and sex!
Selfless service also satisfies our craving for positive social interaction. However great or small, the recognition we receive upon carrying out an act of kindness increases our feeling of connectedness. The UN surveyed the effects of volunteerism on global society and concluded, “Our own well-being is intrinsically linked to what we contribute to the lives of others.” (You should read Chapter 8 of the report.)
Altruism is how we act upon the intuition that somehow we’re all part of the same team. Interestingly, giving aid can be even more beneficial than receiving it. In this way, life was designed to be a win-win situation.
People who spend some of their time selflessly giving to others are more likely to report being happy.
Try the giving experiment for yourself. Maybe start small. Put a few quarters in someone’s expired parking meter or let someone go in front of you when both of your cars are tied at stop signs. Even a smile and a sweet thought to a passing stranger counts, “I hope you feel loved today.” Or just go big. Donate your hair to Locks of Love or offer to babysit for a veteran so he or she can have a fun night out. Here are some other ideas from RandomActsofKindness.org.
“The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.”
– Franklin D. Roosevelt
First of all, the kind of behavior I’m referring to isn’t just any kind that happens to benefit someone else; it’s called altruism. Altruistic behavior is characterized by a person’s intent to perform an act designed to benefit someone or something other than him or her self. You can also call it selfless service, volunteerism, or karma yoga if you like.
Performing random (or planned) acts of kindness is good for or a variety of reasons, some of them perhaps surprising.
Broadly speaking, selfless service increases quality of life across the board. Sociologists found that volunteer work enhances six aspects of personal wellbeing: happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem, sense of control over life, physical health and depression.
Here’s a review of 20 years of scientific research showing that altruistic behavior produces health benefits (click).
Basically, our brains are designed and built to enjoy helping others. Neuroscientists found an old (by evolutionary standards) pleasure center in the brain that makes us feel physically good to do something unexpected and kind for someone else. In fact, it's the same part of the brain activated by food and sex!
Selfless service also satisfies our craving for positive social interaction. However great or small, the recognition we receive upon carrying out an act of kindness increases our feeling of connectedness. The UN surveyed the effects of volunteerism on global society and concluded, “Our own well-being is intrinsically linked to what we contribute to the lives of others.” (You should read Chapter 8 of the report.)
Altruism is how we act upon the intuition that somehow we’re all part of the same team. Interestingly, giving aid can be even more beneficial than receiving it. In this way, life was designed to be a win-win situation.
People who spend some of their time selflessly giving to others are more likely to report being happy.
Try the giving experiment for yourself. Maybe start small. Put a few quarters in someone’s expired parking meter or let someone go in front of you when both of your cars are tied at stop signs. Even a smile and a sweet thought to a passing stranger counts, “I hope you feel loved today.” Or just go big. Donate your hair to Locks of Love or offer to babysit for a veteran so he or she can have a fun night out. Here are some other ideas from RandomActsofKindness.org.
“The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.”
– Franklin D. Roosevelt
Flow: the perfect experience
Britney Spears once expressed a truly brilliant insight (seriously!) that applies to us all: “I wanna get in the zone.”
The Gatorade commercial from the 1990s featuring Michael Jordan that had people saying “I’d like to be like Mike” was sensationally popular because it tapped into the same thing: our desire to get in the zone, which during that era was embodied most visibly by MJ on the basketball court.
Likewise, the comparably popular Nike golf commercial where a diverse group of people spoke the same line “I am Tiger Woods” targeted exactly the same psychology. Tiger dominated the game of golf so thoroughly in the early 2000s that he single-handedly made golf cool – almost. No mean feat. So how did he do it? Because in Tiger Woods the golfer we saw someone completely in the zone, dominating not just the golf course and the field but also the apparent limitations of body and mind. It's a deeply alluring trait.
The zone, known as flow in psychology circles, is so attractive that we will happily live vicariously through someone who we see in it, like Tiger or Michael. Flow liberates the spirit from the confines of the body and mind so completely that people often describe the experience as out-of-body and as being unconscious. The result is nothing short of euphoria. Even when the experience is second hand we still feel it and love it.
The Gatorade commercial from the 1990s featuring Michael Jordan that had people saying “I’d like to be like Mike” was sensationally popular because it tapped into the same thing: our desire to get in the zone, which during that era was embodied most visibly by MJ on the basketball court.
Likewise, the comparably popular Nike golf commercial where a diverse group of people spoke the same line “I am Tiger Woods” targeted exactly the same psychology. Tiger dominated the game of golf so thoroughly in the early 2000s that he single-handedly made golf cool – almost. No mean feat. So how did he do it? Because in Tiger Woods the golfer we saw someone completely in the zone, dominating not just the golf course and the field but also the apparent limitations of body and mind. It's a deeply alluring trait.
The zone, known as flow in psychology circles, is so attractive that we will happily live vicariously through someone who we see in it, like Tiger or Michael. Flow liberates the spirit from the confines of the body and mind so completely that people often describe the experience as out-of-body and as being unconscious. The result is nothing short of euphoria. Even when the experience is second hand we still feel it and love it.
You become like the company (and environment) you keep: filter out all but the positive
There’s no doubt that we take on some of the characteristics of our environments. It’s actually an exchange; we influence and change our environments and our environments influence and change us. It pays to consider whether that’s always a good thing.
In a positive environment we thrive. In a negative environment we struggle. Usually, there’s a mix of positive and negative influences in our surroundings. Ideally, we’d do well to expand, imitate, and eventually embody the positive influences and ignore, avoid, and eliminate the negative influences. But we can’t do this effectively unless we selectively filter our environment to let in what serves us and block out what disturbs us.
Consider the places, spaces, and company you spend your time among: which aspects are most beneficial and which are a bother? After you identify these key influences, use your creativity and resourcefulness to create the ideal environment for your purposes out of whatever situation you find yourself in.
Your environmental filter will accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative in your surroundings. You can minimize whatever negative influences manage to get through by consciously focusing your attention elsewhere. The result will be that you find yourself more often than not in surroundings that support your health and happiness.
In a positive environment we thrive. In a negative environment we struggle. Usually, there’s a mix of positive and negative influences in our surroundings. Ideally, we’d do well to expand, imitate, and eventually embody the positive influences and ignore, avoid, and eliminate the negative influences. But we can’t do this effectively unless we selectively filter our environment to let in what serves us and block out what disturbs us.
Consider the places, spaces, and company you spend your time among: which aspects are most beneficial and which are a bother? After you identify these key influences, use your creativity and resourcefulness to create the ideal environment for your purposes out of whatever situation you find yourself in.
Your environmental filter will accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative in your surroundings. You can minimize whatever negative influences manage to get through by consciously focusing your attention elsewhere. The result will be that you find yourself more often than not in surroundings that support your health and happiness.
Empathy is the key to meaningful relationships: quality, not quantity
We all have an inherent need to feel connected to others. The strongest connections are those in which we feel understood. Empathy is the key to feeling understood. It is the antidote to loneliness, whether we give it or receive it.
Hearing “I understand” from someone when you can see that they truly do or hearing the words from a friend that finish the sentence you started creates the connection that everyone craves.
Having countless “hi and bye" acquaintances, a phone contact list a mile long and 5,000 Facebook "friends" can still leave you feeling lonely, if none of them understands the look in your eye or the pauses between your words. Quality not quantity is what guarantees that much-sought after connection, and empathy is the key to ensuring quality in your social interactions.
When you are able to tune into someone else’s experiences you can have a meaningful relationship with just about anybody. And while you might want to bond with everyone you meet, don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself to do so because the connectedness you seek can be satisfied by a handful of really high-quality relationships.
Poor is the person with many acquaintances and rich is the person with at least one good friend.
Hearing “I understand” from someone when you can see that they truly do or hearing the words from a friend that finish the sentence you started creates the connection that everyone craves.
Having countless “hi and bye" acquaintances, a phone contact list a mile long and 5,000 Facebook "friends" can still leave you feeling lonely, if none of them understands the look in your eye or the pauses between your words. Quality not quantity is what guarantees that much-sought after connection, and empathy is the key to ensuring quality in your social interactions.
When you are able to tune into someone else’s experiences you can have a meaningful relationship with just about anybody. And while you might want to bond with everyone you meet, don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself to do so because the connectedness you seek can be satisfied by a handful of really high-quality relationships.
Poor is the person with many acquaintances and rich is the person with at least one good friend.
Making relationships work requires cutting yourself and others some slack
Good relationships require emotional investment. And that investment makes you vulnerable to hurt feelings, which are inevitable. How we manage those hurt feelings will strengthen or weaken the relationship.
When somebody acts like a jerk it’s often because they don’t know how to handle adversity effectively or to control volatile emotions. Responding with compassion is best for everyone in this kind of situation. Remembering that you too have made mistakes makes it easier to empathize and forgive.
It’s worth noting that the tendency to assume that someone else is to blame whenever our feelings have been hurt is somewhat flawed. Not all of the people who’ve offended you intended to. Misunderstanding may be to blame.
A huge part of misunderstanding is miscommunication. The odds that I can form a perception, emotion, experience or idea into words and communicate it to you in a way that successfully conveys my intended message is slim to none. When we keep that in mind it’s easier to let some perceived offenses slide.
We also need to be able to extend the willingness to forgive to our relationships with ourselves. Forgiveness keeps us accountable for our behavior. It doesn’t erase it. But it allows us to frame our mistakes as opportunities to learn and develop emotionally, instead of falling into the trap of thinking that our mistakes define who we are.
Lastly, forgiveness has to extend to our relationship with a higher power. Forgive life for not being fair. Forgive the clouds for raining on your parade. Forgive whomever or whatever you can and act in a way to make the best of a bad situation.
When somebody acts like a jerk it’s often because they don’t know how to handle adversity effectively or to control volatile emotions. Responding with compassion is best for everyone in this kind of situation. Remembering that you too have made mistakes makes it easier to empathize and forgive.
It’s worth noting that the tendency to assume that someone else is to blame whenever our feelings have been hurt is somewhat flawed. Not all of the people who’ve offended you intended to. Misunderstanding may be to blame.
A huge part of misunderstanding is miscommunication. The odds that I can form a perception, emotion, experience or idea into words and communicate it to you in a way that successfully conveys my intended message is slim to none. When we keep that in mind it’s easier to let some perceived offenses slide.
We also need to be able to extend the willingness to forgive to our relationships with ourselves. Forgiveness keeps us accountable for our behavior. It doesn’t erase it. But it allows us to frame our mistakes as opportunities to learn and develop emotionally, instead of falling into the trap of thinking that our mistakes define who we are.
Lastly, forgiveness has to extend to our relationship with a higher power. Forgive life for not being fair. Forgive the clouds for raining on your parade. Forgive whomever or whatever you can and act in a way to make the best of a bad situation.
The mind is a tool with its inherent limitations. Its domain is relative reality. Go beyond the mind to know absolute reality.
“I think therefore I am.” – René Descartes
Descartes wasn’t wrong, but he wasn’t totally right, either. You are much more than you think.
Thinking is a function of the intellect and we are capable of much more.
We’d all agree that an open mind is a good thing, right?
The more open it is, the wider our view of the world and the richer our experiences.
The extreme of an open mind is meditation. Meditation is not the process of sitting cross-legged with eyes closed. It’s the result of the process of opening your mind.
Sometimes we think the world is full of darkness. But that’s because we have our hands covering our eyes. As we spread our fingers a little light makes it through, but the view between them is obscured and confusing. Meditation is a view of the world that we attain when all obstructions are removed.
Descartes wasn’t wrong, but he wasn’t totally right, either. You are much more than you think.
Thinking is a function of the intellect and we are capable of much more.
We’d all agree that an open mind is a good thing, right?
The more open it is, the wider our view of the world and the richer our experiences.
The extreme of an open mind is meditation. Meditation is not the process of sitting cross-legged with eyes closed. It’s the result of the process of opening your mind.
Sometimes we think the world is full of darkness. But that’s because we have our hands covering our eyes. As we spread our fingers a little light makes it through, but the view between them is obscured and confusing. Meditation is a view of the world that we attain when all obstructions are removed.
The difference between mindfulness and meditation
These two words, mindfulness and meditation, are often used interchangeably, but they are not synonyms.
Both involve heightened states of awareness. Both are beneficial in myriad ways. And that’s where the similarities end.
Mindfulness is about noticing the interplay between you and your environment, whereas meditation is about immersing yourself in the world deep within yourself.
The aim of a mindfulness practice is to notice what’s happening now, as opposed to thinking about the past or the future. You can practice mindfulness while you’re doing other things like driving, conversing and eating.
Developing a mindfulness practice is as simple as focusing your attention on one, some or all of the following:
Do that and voila! You’re practicing mindfulness.
You can know that you’ve developed a strong mindfulness practice when you find yourself in the flow and can return there often.
The concept of flow, i.e. being in the zone, is a deep form of mindfulness that we’re probably all familiar with. Whether it’s playing an instrument, a sport, or something else, nothing exists outside of the flow, not the audience or the noise in the arena. Not even the arena. Flow is complete absorption in the task at hand. That’s as close as mindfulness comes to meditation.
When it comes to meditation there is no task.
A quick, but important mention about the word meditation: It’s Latin for “deep contemplation.” Compare that to the Sanskrit word dhyana, which is a state of consciousness beyond the thinking mind. I’m actually speaking about dhyana, here. But I don’t want to complicate an already subtle subject, so I’m using meditation, instead.
The practice leading to meditation is about stilling the mind. Activity, even if it can be performed without concentrating, such as something habitual like walking, engages the mind. Therefore, the practice leading to meditation is a solitary one. You can’t meditate while you’re doing other things, either physically or mentally. That’s why it often happens seated in silence with eyes closed.
Yet even sitting crossed legged with your eyes closed is no guarantee you’ll enter a state of meditation. If you’re noticing your legs aching and the wind whistling through the trees you’re not meditating. But you are practicing mindfulness, which is actually good preparation for the practice leading to meditation.
More specifically, this is how a mindfulness practice can evolve into a meditation practice. First, practice mindfulness to develop your ability to focus. It doesn’t matter what on. The aim is to restrain the mind from roaming boundlessly. Next, narrow the focus of your attention by concentrating on an object. Begin with a physical object. Try selecting one with either a positive connotation or none at all. When you can concentrate for a sustained period of time, switch the object of your attention to something subtler, like a sound or a simple concept. Next, remove that focal point and focus on either your ability to focus or nothing at all. After focus becomes both the subject and the object of your attention, relinquish the effort to focus at all. Eventually, subject and object merge into One.
When your attention dissolves in a formless, timeless realm that “feels” complete you’re in meditation. That state can’t easily be described with words because words are a tool of the intellect and meditation is a state beyond the intellect. Nevertheless, you’ll know when you’re there.
Practice mindfulness and you'll eventually experience meditation, which yields profound enjoyment of the gift of simply being alive.
Both involve heightened states of awareness. Both are beneficial in myriad ways. And that’s where the similarities end.
Mindfulness is about noticing the interplay between you and your environment, whereas meditation is about immersing yourself in the world deep within yourself.
The aim of a mindfulness practice is to notice what’s happening now, as opposed to thinking about the past or the future. You can practice mindfulness while you’re doing other things like driving, conversing and eating.
Developing a mindfulness practice is as simple as focusing your attention on one, some or all of the following:
- What do you see, hear, smell and feel around you?
- What sensations do you feel on the exterior and the interior of your body?
- What thoughts are flowing through your mind?
- What feelings do you have about your surroundings, sensations and thoughts?
Do that and voila! You’re practicing mindfulness.
You can know that you’ve developed a strong mindfulness practice when you find yourself in the flow and can return there often.
The concept of flow, i.e. being in the zone, is a deep form of mindfulness that we’re probably all familiar with. Whether it’s playing an instrument, a sport, or something else, nothing exists outside of the flow, not the audience or the noise in the arena. Not even the arena. Flow is complete absorption in the task at hand. That’s as close as mindfulness comes to meditation.
When it comes to meditation there is no task.
A quick, but important mention about the word meditation: It’s Latin for “deep contemplation.” Compare that to the Sanskrit word dhyana, which is a state of consciousness beyond the thinking mind. I’m actually speaking about dhyana, here. But I don’t want to complicate an already subtle subject, so I’m using meditation, instead.
The practice leading to meditation is about stilling the mind. Activity, even if it can be performed without concentrating, such as something habitual like walking, engages the mind. Therefore, the practice leading to meditation is a solitary one. You can’t meditate while you’re doing other things, either physically or mentally. That’s why it often happens seated in silence with eyes closed.
Yet even sitting crossed legged with your eyes closed is no guarantee you’ll enter a state of meditation. If you’re noticing your legs aching and the wind whistling through the trees you’re not meditating. But you are practicing mindfulness, which is actually good preparation for the practice leading to meditation.
More specifically, this is how a mindfulness practice can evolve into a meditation practice. First, practice mindfulness to develop your ability to focus. It doesn’t matter what on. The aim is to restrain the mind from roaming boundlessly. Next, narrow the focus of your attention by concentrating on an object. Begin with a physical object. Try selecting one with either a positive connotation or none at all. When you can concentrate for a sustained period of time, switch the object of your attention to something subtler, like a sound or a simple concept. Next, remove that focal point and focus on either your ability to focus or nothing at all. After focus becomes both the subject and the object of your attention, relinquish the effort to focus at all. Eventually, subject and object merge into One.
When your attention dissolves in a formless, timeless realm that “feels” complete you’re in meditation. That state can’t easily be described with words because words are a tool of the intellect and meditation is a state beyond the intellect. Nevertheless, you’ll know when you’re there.
Practice mindfulness and you'll eventually experience meditation, which yields profound enjoyment of the gift of simply being alive.
Quiet your body and mind to hear the whisper of your heart
This Electronic Age is one of hyper-stimulation, which often leads to technostress.
Our minds were built with a tendency to roam back to the past and ahead to the future, grabbing fistfuls of random information from the thought atmosphere along the way. That’s nothing new.
But due to the relatively recent availability of 24/7 Internet access via the array of digital devices many of us have, we are constantly exposing ourselves to an endless supply of increasingly vivid sensory stimulation.
With a helping hand from caffeine, the world's most widely used psychoactive substance, our mind's appetite for stimulation has grown increasingly voracious and difficult to tame.
We have faster, longer and more intense cycles of information consumption. Our mental activity is nearly incessant and leaves residual internal background noise that means more and more of us are losing the ability to turn the volume down and enjoy inner peace and quiet.
Long ago, our ancestors identified this problem and also developed a solution: seclusion and quiet contemplation. Wise people have been relying on it for centuries as a way to slow the world down to a manageable speed, clear out a crowded mind and gain clarity and insight. And it works as well now as it has in the past.
Unplug from the world whizzing around you for a short time and enjoy the experience of a self-imposed power outage. Turn off your phone. Yes, it does have an off button. It’s the one that looks unused. Let the caffeine wear off (as a bonus, the next coffee or soda you drink will feel extra strong). This will help quiet your mind.
Then listen for the silence underlying all the sounds around and within you. You will be able to hear the whisper of your heart. It’s a sweet sound. And it carries a very nice message that’s worth listening to.
Our minds were built with a tendency to roam back to the past and ahead to the future, grabbing fistfuls of random information from the thought atmosphere along the way. That’s nothing new.
But due to the relatively recent availability of 24/7 Internet access via the array of digital devices many of us have, we are constantly exposing ourselves to an endless supply of increasingly vivid sensory stimulation.
With a helping hand from caffeine, the world's most widely used psychoactive substance, our mind's appetite for stimulation has grown increasingly voracious and difficult to tame.
We have faster, longer and more intense cycles of information consumption. Our mental activity is nearly incessant and leaves residual internal background noise that means more and more of us are losing the ability to turn the volume down and enjoy inner peace and quiet.
Long ago, our ancestors identified this problem and also developed a solution: seclusion and quiet contemplation. Wise people have been relying on it for centuries as a way to slow the world down to a manageable speed, clear out a crowded mind and gain clarity and insight. And it works as well now as it has in the past.
Unplug from the world whizzing around you for a short time and enjoy the experience of a self-imposed power outage. Turn off your phone. Yes, it does have an off button. It’s the one that looks unused. Let the caffeine wear off (as a bonus, the next coffee or soda you drink will feel extra strong). This will help quiet your mind.
Then listen for the silence underlying all the sounds around and within you. You will be able to hear the whisper of your heart. It’s a sweet sound. And it carries a very nice message that’s worth listening to.
Who am I? When was the last time you asked yourself?
Many spiritual teachers and philosophers have emphasized the value of finding the answer to this question, or at least seeking to answer it.
Some have even said that within the answer to this question lie the answers to all others.
If you haven’t sought to answer it, the world has probably attempted to answer it for you. But the only label that really matters is the one you give yourself.
Usually our label or identity speaks to the way our bodies look and the things it can do, or our minds – our personalities and ideas, and/or our relations to others.
In defining ourselves we rarely consider our spiritual identities. That's because it's just not practical. Or is it?
Unlike a body or mind-centered identity, which reinforces the idea of separateness and individuality, having a strong spiritual identity expands the notion of who we are.
Spirit has an ethereal quality that permeates the fibers from which the sense-based world is woven. It is the underlying essence of all that appears to be real.
Connecting with this makes us also feel more connected to each other and the rest of creation. It helps us to appreciate that some part of us is a part of everything else.
Experiencing life through the lens of a spiritual identity helps us understand Ramana Maharshi, a spiritual luminary, when he said, “There are no others.” He is directing our attention away from our apparently separate existences to point out that we are just different leaves on different branches of the same tree of life. True separateness is merely an illusion.
What does this mean in day-to-day life? There can be no loneliness, even in times of being alone. There are no true adversaries. There is only unity in diversity, a common ground from which we’ve grown and are sustained.
If you want a rational, Western explanation of the Self as spirit, I highly recommend Fritjof Capra’s classic, The Tao of Physics.
Or connect with some of your contemporaries to learn their thoughts and feelings on the matter. TED Conversations: The Age Old Question: “Who am I?”
So who are you?
Some have even said that within the answer to this question lie the answers to all others.
If you haven’t sought to answer it, the world has probably attempted to answer it for you. But the only label that really matters is the one you give yourself.
Usually our label or identity speaks to the way our bodies look and the things it can do, or our minds – our personalities and ideas, and/or our relations to others.
In defining ourselves we rarely consider our spiritual identities. That's because it's just not practical. Or is it?
Unlike a body or mind-centered identity, which reinforces the idea of separateness and individuality, having a strong spiritual identity expands the notion of who we are.
Spirit has an ethereal quality that permeates the fibers from which the sense-based world is woven. It is the underlying essence of all that appears to be real.
Connecting with this makes us also feel more connected to each other and the rest of creation. It helps us to appreciate that some part of us is a part of everything else.
Experiencing life through the lens of a spiritual identity helps us understand Ramana Maharshi, a spiritual luminary, when he said, “There are no others.” He is directing our attention away from our apparently separate existences to point out that we are just different leaves on different branches of the same tree of life. True separateness is merely an illusion.
What does this mean in day-to-day life? There can be no loneliness, even in times of being alone. There are no true adversaries. There is only unity in diversity, a common ground from which we’ve grown and are sustained.
If you want a rational, Western explanation of the Self as spirit, I highly recommend Fritjof Capra’s classic, The Tao of Physics.
Or connect with some of your contemporaries to learn their thoughts and feelings on the matter. TED Conversations: The Age Old Question: “Who am I?”
So who are you?
